What possessed me to do this? | THE BERLIN RELOCATION DIARY

So here's a little bit about me 😇

My name is Lilly Jenna, I'm 22 and my whole life revolves around music :) Every moment I have in the day, I fill with music. Whether that is creating it myself, jamming out on the decks or just dancing round my room to my favourite songs... I don't care, I gotta dance it out!

I started producing music when I was around 16. This all started cuz I had met a lad called Tyler on Facebook. Tyler is a Birmigham boy who produces some amazing EDM.... I was starstruck and very envious! SO, I asked him to help me get into it and he introduced me to a few different DAW's to produce on -- Thats a technical term for music software btw -- I've been producing every since and I've made some amazing friends along the way through college and now university too. I'm now in my final year of uni at BIMM Manchester and a few weeks ago, I made a decision that would change my life....

So, for those of you who didn't know, I have OCD. It has unfortunately been a nuisance to me for a number of years, increasingly since I left home to go to uni. I was suffering severe panic attacks on a daily basis and I couldn't figure out why they had become such a prominent part of my life. This period of time had an impact on uni. After my first year being online cuz of COVID, I struggled to get into uni and staying there for long hours so I started completing my work online.

Late last year however, I was given an opportunity to go on the trip of a life time, Berlin. I had crippling anxiety and a strong fear of flying nut I knew that I would never get to do this again and part of me really thought that it might actually help me in some way. so, I signed up and magically got a place, along with my good friend James who I'm sure was not looking forward to my behaviour on the journey!

Despite all doubts, I actually got on the plane and made it to Berlin. I hesitated to go on the tours they had planned but rather preferred to venture out on my own and get comfortable in being there. I weirdly felt at home there. I got my mourning hot chocolate and pastry from the hotel cafe and went a walk along the river, respecting the amazing art on what was left of the Berlin Wall. I almost started to think I wanted to come back on my own.

I had been in contact with my mum pretty much constantly but I began to feel like she was trying to implement the idea in my mind. I knew she had taken a year away from studying to travel. Germany was one of the places she had gone to live for a few months, along with Ukraine. I envied her for being able to do all of this when she was my age, yet I was suffering with my mental health and was in a rut.

I made the decision while I was out there to make a plan to come back on my own in the summmer. I would come for a month and stay with a friend I knew who already lived in Germany, and more importantly could speak the language. However, after returning to the UK I thought it would be better to treat this future trip like a university term abroad. I would go at the end of summer and stay for 9 months. my mum also supported this so I was happy. She could also teach me German!

after the Berlin trip with uni, something was different. I felt stringer and some people noticed. I didn't go back to university lessons but I decided I now had a goal to work towards and I needed to go back to work and make as much money as I could mentally handle. I spoke to one of my managers and spoke to him abut working for the same company in Berlin. he said he would see if he could help me do so. Now I had to find an apartment...... stay tuned.